On Exploring Your Growth Zone

This Week’s Topic: Your Window of Tolerance

1 Strategy 🎯 

My wife and I completed a pre-marital counseling program prior to saying “I do”. 

It was a tremendously valuable experience that strengthened our relationship and equipped us with a suite of tools and strategies for overcoming the inevitable challenges of becoming a family.

It was during our very first session that I first learned about using the Window of Tolerance to better manage my energetic and emotional bandwidth in our relationship. 

I've also found it to be a helpful framework for helping my coaching clients elicit powerful insights and motivation.     

So, let's talk about what your Window of Tolerance is, and why it matters.

The term was coined in the late 1990's by a psychiatrist named Dan Siegel in his bestselling book, "The Developing Mind", where he proposed that each of us has a range of intensities of stimulation which they can comfortably experience, process, and integrate. 

Some people naturally have a wide window of tolerance - they can remain calm and comfortable, even when exposed to intense external and internal stimulation.

Alternatively, some people have more narrow windows of tolerance. Their nervous system is more sensitive to stimulation and, at face value, this might seem like more of a liability than an asset in a professional setting.

But being a tad sensitive can have its upsides, with research showing that sensitive individuals often demonstrate high levels of empathy, creativity and sensory intelligence.

The window of tolerance is comprised of three distinct "zones":

1. Comfort Zone

2. Growth Zone

3. Danger Zone

You can download the PDF here.

Your Comfort Zone

You know what it feels like to be in your comfort zone. You feel at ease because you aren’t really being tested. You have a high sense of control of your environment - it feels familiar and there is little risk of failure. You might be in your comfort zone while lounging in your PJs watching Netflix, and you may even be in your comfort zone when it comes to your career if your responsibilities have become repetitive and you find yourself on autopilot throughout the day.

Your comfort zone is, well, comfortable, and that’s a good thing. Your nervous system needs a ‘home base’ that you can rely on during particularly challenging periods.

But spending an extended amount of time in your comfort zone will lead to stagnation and over time will cause your window of tolerance to contract.

Your Danger Zones

When intensely overstimulated, you will enter a state of hyper-arousal, commonly referred to as “fight-or-flight”.  It's a physiological stress response that can manifest in a variety of unpleasant sensations like:

• Increased heart rate

• Feelings of intense frustration or anger

• Hypervigilance (becoming hyper-aware of potential threats)

• Brain fog

• Dry mouth

When these sensations become chronic, we start using diagnostic labels like “anxiety” or “panic disorder”.

There are also negative outcomes associated with a prolonged lack of stimulation. Taken to the extreme, consider the psychological and emotional impact of solitary confinement. Research has shown that it leads to:

• Psychosis

• Visual and auditory hallucinations

• Uncontrollable feelings of rage and fear

• Extreme sensitivity to noise and touch

In other words, a complete absence of external stimulation and challenge will ultimately shrink your window of tolerance, such it becomes one giant ‘danger zone’.

A more common example of a low-stimulation danger zone is spending day after day in a job that doesn’t challenge or fulfill you at all.

There are those who will tell you to push through these sensations. But subjecting yourself to sustained periods of extreme discomfort is a recipe for burnout, and ultimately stifles your learning and development, because during periods of extreme distress, your nervous system will go into survival mode and deprioritize learning.

Your Growth Zones

When I started practicing yoga a few years ago, the instructor routinely reminded me to "find my edge" - that position in the stretch where I was testing the limits of my flexibility and breath, without damaging my body.  

You know how it feels to be in your growth zone. You’re challenging the limits of your physical, mental and/or emotional abilities - prioritizing long-term growth over short-term comfort.

And growth doesn’t just occur in response to highly stimulating activities like 5am runs or joining a Toastmasters club to conquer your fear of public speaking.

Intentionally putting yourself in low stimulation environments can also be a source of growth.

Most of us operate in a hustle culture that glorifies 24/7 productivity and reinforces the narrative that we’re “lazy” or “slacking off” if we even think about taking our foot off the gas.

As a result, most people are chronically overstimulated, to the extent that being deprived of stimulation can cause extreme discomfort. Studies have shown that many people would rather give themselves painful electric shocks, than be left to sit alone with their thoughts. 

If the idea of sitting quietly for 10 minutes sends a chill down your spine, then meditation might just be a low-stimulation growth activity worth exploring!

In closing, your effectiveness as a leader, team member, and in my case, a husband, is dependent on your willingness to expand your window of tolerance by exploring the limits of your comfort zone.

By recognizing the evolving boundaries of your Comfort Zone, Growth Zone, and Danger Zone, you can cultivate a sustainable approach to professional and personal development.

So embrace the discomfort, celebrate the growth, and remember that expanding your window of tolerance is a journey worth taking.

Here’s to livin’ on the edge!

Reply to this email and let me know how it goes! I look forward to hearing from you.

See you next Wednesday,

Darin

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