On the Power of Permission

This Week’s Topic: The Power of Permission

1 Idea💡

Earlier this week I made a classic coaching blunder.

A client called me with an issue they wanted to work through - they needed help navigating a strained relationship with a challenging employee.

As they were venting, the path forward seemed obvious to me, so I shared some feedback and a potential next step.

My advice fell flat.

Without missing a beat, they quickly explained why the strategy wouldn’t work, and resumed venting.

A few minutes later, I shared a slightly rephrased version of the exact same advice. But this time I preempted it with a question

“Are you open to some feedback?”

They said yes (the answer to this question is almost always yes) and this time my advice landed, and the conversation shifted from venting to putting a plan into action.

No matter how you phrase it, unsolicited advice is interpreted by the brain as criticism.

And when we feel criticized, we instinctively take defensive posture.

Asking for consent before sharing your opinion helps set the stage for a more productive feedback conversation in a couple ways:

Preparation

As the receiver, it gives time to shift into a “feedback conversation” mindset, which activates a different part of our brain than a non-feedback conversation.

Collaboration

Gaining consent sets the tone for a collaborative conversation, rather than a one-sided critique, and signals that you respect and value the person you’re sharing feedback with.

Whether we’re sharing feedback with a direct report, a colleague or a customer, we have a buffet of frameworks, models and acronyms to choose from.

Here are 10 of the most common

Whatever your preferred strategy, taking 10 seconds to get consent will dramatically increase the likelihood that your feedback will have the positive impact that you want it to.

Make this a habit, and notice how it improves the tone and quality of your feedback conversations!

Did this week’s topic resonate with you?

I hereby grant you permission to hit reply and share your feedback!

Want help building a culture of courageous conversations on your team? Book a free consultation and let’s talk about it!

See you next Wednesday,

Darin

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