On How to Not Get Walked All Over

This Week’s Topic: Enforcing your boundaries

In honor of Fathers day this past Sunday…

Did you know Thomas Hall, the inventor of the Halls throat lozenge recently passed away.

There was no coffin at his funeral.

Get it?????😅

1 Strategy 🎯 

Groan-worthy dad jokes aside, this most recent Fathers Day brought with it a mix of emotions.

On the positive side, it was my first Fathers Day as a dad.

But I also found myself reflecting on my relationship with my dad, who I’ve had an on-again-off-again relationship with since I was a teenager.

For most of my life, our relationship was like a dysfunctional merry-go-round.

• Dad would do something to damage the relationship (usually while drunk)

• I’d scold him and set some punitive boundaries

• Dad would violate said boundaries

• I’d have an overblown emotional reaction

And the cycle would continue over and over again ♻️

Five years ago, I started actually enforcing my boundaries like an adult, and I haven’t ridden that merry-go-round since.

In the context of leadership and teamwork, you know what it feels like to have one of your boundaries violated. It might look like…

• A colleague taking credit for your work 🤬

• A client using derogatory language or slurs 😒

• Non-stop pings from your manager outside or your working hours 😓

There are thousands of articles on the internet telling us how important it is to set boundaries.

But boundary setting is only as effective as our ability to enforce them.

And enforcing boundaries ain’t for sissies - it’s hard.

So let’s delve into a few simple strategies you can use to confidently enforce your boundaries, while minimizing the potential for hurt feelings and strained relationships.

Strategy #1: Assume Ignorance🤷‍♂️

When a boundary is crossed, it’s often more effective to start with the assumption that the other person may not be aware that they violated a boundary. This empathetic approach can help de-escalate potential conflicts and allows you to address the issue without forcing the other person into a defensive position.

Strategy #2: Keep it Simple 🤏

Overexplaining your boundaries conveys a lack of confidence, and can lead to misunderstandings. Clearly remind the individual what the boundary is, why it’s important, and what action you will take if it happens again.

 Strategy #3: Get a Boundary Buddy 🤝

If you’re a recovering people-pleaser like me, you’ve no doubt found yourself in situations where your motivation to enforce a boundary conflicts with your motivation to avoid conflict. These situations can get extra sticky when the person violating your boundaries has more power in the relationship.

A Boundary Buddy can help you evaluate when and how to communicate and enforce your boundaries based on the situation. And no matter what action you decide to take, having the support of a trusted accountability partner will make you more likely to follow through.

In closing, whether you’ve set a boundary to manage an unhealthy family dynamic, or a challenging professional relationship, the ultimate test of your boundary setting skills lies in how you handle boundary breaches.

By starting from a place of assuming ignorance, articulating your boundaries with clarity, and leveraging an accountability partner, you can set and enforce your boundaries more effectively, and with less internal and external conflict along the way.

Did this week’s topic resonate with you? Hit ‘reply’ and let me know!

Or email me your favorite dad joke so I can add it to my arsenal 😏 

See you next Wednesday,

Darin

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